Settled down

Well, the song went just fine. There were a few little imperfections, and I'd love to have a chance to do it again, when the praise team is more familiar with it, so we can put more feeling and energy into it. But all in all, it went well.

The strange thing for me was the nerves about it. I'm not used to that; I usually am pretty well composed about such things, but yesterday I was almost jumpy -- and with much less caffeine than usual! My wife and members of our praise team were surprised to see me nervous, too.

Nothing else to say today, just wanted to note that I survived the bout of nerves, and even managed to come away without any emotional scars.

Nerves...

I'm a little nervous this morning, and I don't like it.

Later on this morning, I'll be leading our praise team at church, and we'll be singing an arrangement of "The Lord's Prayer" which I put together. At our rehearsal on Friday night, it was a bit... tenuous. We'll go over it again this morning, but I'm afraid I've written something out that is not very singable. So I'm nervous it'll sound bad.

Now that sounds normal. I, however, am not the kind of person to be nervous about such things. I don't know how to process worry, so I generally don't. This morning, though, I'm nervous about it. I can't get the song out of my head, nor can I keep from trying to re-arrange it mentally, so that it'll be easier for the praise team to sing. I want to re-do the ending to make it more interesting, more moving.

But that's not the kind of thing you want to do on a Sunday morning, just before singing it.

Lord, the song is for you. Receive our praise, even if it sounds bad.

She got me again!

Eight days after my 30th birthday, my family was getting together at our church building. We had a few folks in from out of town, and my wife's relatives were joining us, so having everyone at our little apartment behind my mother-in-law's house wasn't possible. As we drove up to the building, Nina said, "I need you to close your eyes, because I've got a little surprise for you." Good thing she was driving. I closed my eyes, like a good little husband, and she parked, and escorted me into our fellowship hall, where about 60 people shouted "Surprise!" She had invited a horde of friends to throw me a surprise party. People I worked with, people I had known for years from various places, lots of church folks... it was a wonderful time!

Yesterday, two days after my 40th birthday, we were driving to our church building. Nina was driving again -- I had a little bit of a headache. We were going (I had been led to believe) to a shared birthday get-together for me, our minister, and another guy at our church. We've been doing this for the past three or four years. As we got off the freeway, Nina said, "Okay, the deal is that you guys aren't supposed to see the decorations outside until you see the decorations inside, so could you close your eyes?"

WARNING! WARNING! --sirens going off in my head --flashing lights

Several little things from the past little while suddenly began to add up.

• Nina took the kids with her to run errands earlier in the day -- that's a dangerous thing, considering how squirrely they can be sometimes.
  
• She had kept me busy making cookies for the party, and working around the house.
  
• She got out the video of to 30th birthday party the other night, and we were all watching it. She commented, "It would be good to get together with all our friends again."
  
• She had been making phone calls behind closed doors.
  
• A letter had shown up at church a few weeks back, addressed to Nina, in an envelope from the church where Brandon Scott Thomas ministers. Thinking it had something to do with the ZOE worship conference, or some other event, I opened it to find a nice birthday wish from Brandon. I had told him at the Pepperdine Lectures that I was sneaking up on 40 years old, and I thought it was just a thoughtful note from a friend, who didn't know exactly when my birthday was. He and Nina both covered this one up pretty well.
  

So, once again, to a shout of, "SURPRISE!" I walked into a room filled with friends from all over, former coworkers, and family. Though I had just moments before realized that a surprise was imminent, seeing who was there was a great, fun surprise.

There was lots of teasing about how old I'm getting (especially from those who are older than me), great food from our favorite Italian restaurant, and the noise of conversation and laughter. It was great! The best gift was a binder with birthday wishes and notes from many of my friends (that's what the note from Brandon was for). Some were short and sweet, others were longer and very emotional, and some were just silly! It's the best gift I've ever received.

As I told the assembled throng yesterday, I expect that Nina will do this again for my 50th birthday, and my 60th... but I'll be on to her by the time I turn 70!

Here's another one...

Natalie woke up today as John was in the bath. He heard her voice, and called out, "Natalie, I'm taking a bath!"

Natalie replied, "I know. I heard you swoosheling."

(Not sure of the spelling on swoosheling; I couldn't find it on dictionary.com.)

My Adorable Daughter

Okay, here's a "my kid is cuter than your kid" story.

Quite often, I don't shave most of the week (being a stay-at-home dad has its advantages), usually cleaning up in time for Sunday mornings. My daughter Natalie, who will be five at the end of July, came in to where I was laying down a little while ago, taking a break. She snuggled up close, and said, "Daddy, you and Mommy keep me warm!" Then she turned to kiss my cheek, and said, "OW!" because of my whiskers.

She said, "Daddy, those whiskers are your kiss protection!"

TOO CUTE!

On being 40 years old

Today is my 40th birthday. In some respects, that's hard to grasp. I look back on my life, and it doesn't seem that long. But then again, I guess it feels exactly that long, because that's how long it's been. I pretty much live each day as it comes (which is a polite way of saying that I'm a lousy planner), so I don't spend a lot of time mulling over the events of my life.

I've actually got a pretty poor memory for events and conversations in my life, but a decent memory of facts and concepts that I've learned. In a way, my life seems like a blur of images, impressions, and ideas, puncutated by a few clear memories. Most of the clear memories are negative, like embarassments and foolish things I've done. I wish I could clear those off the shelves in my mind and replace them with more positive, fun things.

There are some really great things that I do remember clearly, though.

• My first glimpse of my wife, Nina, walking down the aisle on our wedding day.
  
• Meeting Nina for the first time, several years before we started dating.
  
• The moments our children were born.
  
• My interviews for my first I.T. position (really, great, fun conversations with the supervisors in the department, Linda Waldon and Cindy Sun.
  
• Learning to lead singing at age 9, from T.J. Jones and my dad, at the Dublin Church of Christ.
  
• Touring the home we would soon buy in 1996.
  
• My first Promise Keepers, in Anaheim, 1994 (a great road trip with my best friend, John Haffner; also had my first In-n-Out Burger meal on that trip!)
  
• The first devotional on the beach back at school, in fall of 1984; the water was warm, the moon was bright, and afterward, three cars full of us took off for a late-night run to Tommy's in Sepulveda.
  
• The note that Dr. Tom Olbricht wrote on a paper I had written for his Biblical Theology class in the Pepperdine extension program I did in '91-'92; it said, "Good, clear writing style." Coming from him, that was a real compliment!
  
• The surprise 30th birthday party Nina threw for me ten years ago, with more friends there than I realized I had!
  
• Waking up on my 40th birthday (okay, it was only this morning, but I'll take the memories I can get!)
  
• My granddad, Bud Watson, trying to bounce our son, John, on his knee just a month or so before he passed away. It was difficult for him, since he had been fighting with Parkinson's Disease for nearly ten years at the time. He never let it stop him from trying.
  
• My first time playing 18 holes of golf, again with Granddad Watson. I hit a 103. I've never played that well since!
  
• ...and many, many more....
  

My 40 years have been filled with blessings. Not everything has gone the way I'd have liked, but it is impossible to look at my life without recognizing that God has been with me, and has given me much to be thankful for... and much with which to bless others.

I found this on Mark Lowry's website this morning. Audrey Hepburn was once asked to share her beauty tips, and she wrote this in response:
• For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
• For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
• For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
• For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
• For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
• People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
• Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

I wish I could write like that!

Just a thought...

Does it occur to anyone else that when Jesus stood up in the boat and said, "Peace... Be still," he was probably speaking just as much to the agitated disciples in the boat as to the agitated wind and water outside the boat? They were in what looked like a dire situation, true; the water was filling up the boat, and they thought they'd drown, and all the while, Jesus was sleeping. (One wonders how Jesus slept in that kind of storm, but that's beside the point -- or is it?) Jesus woke up and took care of the storm. You'd think that would calm the disciples down, too, but according to Mark, they were now agitated, wondering just who Jesus really was, since he seemed to have control over the elements.

Eventually, they got it, and knew that Jesus was not only the one who could calm the storm, but the one who moves the elements to whip up storms in the first place. His power went far beyond that storm, and far beyond their fears. One wonders, though, what would have happened if they'd understood, and rode out the storm calmly, knowing that they were safe, because Jesus was in the boat with them.

Now if I could only get that through my head, I'd have something. Jesus not only has the power and authority to calm down the messes I find myself in, he has the power and authority to make me ride out the storm, even when it looks like I'm about to go down. After all, he promised he'd be with me.

Little league, little minds...

After two years in T-ball, we finally experienced our first "ugly parents" incident.

T-ball is such fun; the kids are so small, some very uncoordinated, but all of them excited about playing, though not always playing ball. Digging in the dirt and twirling were common activities during games this year. All the parents are glad for the kids to try, and there generally isn't much pressure on the kids to perform. We had one exception this year, a dad who seemed to think that his son's future depended on every play. But for the most part, he was easy to deal with.

Then came the last night of our team's season, and there was a scheduling mixup. The field our team was supposed to play on was also scheduled to hold a game by teams in the farms division. The T-ball-ers were shifted to the T-ball field, since nobody seemed to be playing there. But a few minutes later, the teams scheduled for the T-ball field began to arrive -- apparently the National League games start a half hour later. One lady got very irate and pushy, demanding that we get off of "their" field.

Our coaches were mostly cool about it, but they got kinda pushy when working out the eventual solution (our teams were there first, so the farm teams were bumped). At some point, it stoped being about the kids' enjoyment and learning teamwork, and began to have more to do with the egos of the coaches and parents. This was just T-ball! They don't count runs, outs, errors, and everone gets a turn to bat and play the different positions! Our kids were more excited about the pizza party scheduled for after the game than the game itself!

Maybe I'm just not competitive enough for this. I don't understand why there even has to be National and American leagues in little league, much less in T-ball. Does anyone have a kids baseball league that is just about playing a game and getting some exercise, and not about pushy parents creating pushy kids?

Just who am I, anyway?

For those of you who don't know who I am, I thought I'd post a little primer about me.

I'm a stay-at-home dad. I didn't start out that way. I was a computer geek in the Silly-con Valley for 14 years, fresh out of a Math/Computer Science degree at Pepperdine. My job went bye-bye in 2001, as so many others did. My wife stepped in to pick up her Pharmacy career, and I've been "Mr. Mom" since. I'm not exactly the domestic type, but according to my kids, I make the best macaroni and cheese in the world!

I'm an occasional computer consultant. Every now and then, I get out of the house to go fix someone else's computers, instead of staying home to break my own. I'm trying to build up a clientele, and eventually, this may turn into a real job. Who knows?

I'm a music nut. When I was growing up, my dad played classical music all the time, and also showed a fondness for folk music. My mom went through a country music phase when I was young, and I still bear the scars. Those things have affected my musical tastes through my life. My music collection includes rock (if it's got good musical sensibilities), classical, folk, vocal, a cappella, musicals, jazz, a few country albums (mostly Chet Atkins), southern gospel, contemporary Christian, and worship music. I also have a lot of novelty music, and am an unabashed "Weird Al" Yankovic fan!

I'm a Christ-follower. Despite my failings, and despite the hypocrisy that my life sometimes shows, I love the Lord. I want to act like the kind of person that God wants me to be, so that people know that He is a loving God, He's a great God who deserves to be worshipped, and He calls everyone to get close to Him.

I'm a church-going Christian. Despite the fact that organized religion spends entirely too much time propogating itself instead of serving the world as Jesus would, I love the church that I attend. There are lots of good folks there who also love God, and are giving their lives in service to Him.

I'm a worship leader. I've done a fair amount of singing in my life, and nothing is quite so fulfilling as singing to lead worship. I think worship is why God gave me the ability to sing well, and I'm glad to be in a church where I can use that gift nearly every Sunday.

Is that all I am? Probably not, but that's all I can think of to write about today. to sum it up, though, allow me to borrow a line from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy..."

I'm just this guy, you know.